Just like childless women who are quick to tell mothers how they should bring up their children, non-swingers are quick to judge the relationships of swingers without having any knowledge of their own.

I’ve never understood how anybody can imagine they’re an expert on any subject if they’ve never been there and actually tried it themselves, least of all swinging. And yet there are so many misconceptions flying around that you’d think 99% of the population has been involved in some way.

One of the most common misconceptions is that swingers are couples whose marriages are on the verge of break-up and that swinging is their last hope of holding things together; that by bringing others into the bedroom, they’ll maybe be able to bring back the spark that’s otherwise lacking.

One of Britain’s biggest marriage guidance charities and one that’s heavily subsidised by the government (but who will remain nameless for the sake of this blog) is opposed to swinging because they consider it dangerous to relationships. Fair enough - everybody has a right to an opinion - but these people have a lot of clout. They’re giving advice to couples who are seeking ways to help improve their relationships, and they’re telling them swinging is bad even though they can’t actually back their opinions with any kind of sociological research!

Yes, I’ve known swingers who have had rocky relationships and who have since parted, but the majority of those I know have extremely good, close relationships that a lot of ’straight’ couples would envy. In fact, I’m often told by people who don’t know about our swinging lifestyle that Malc and I have ‘an enviable relationship’. We can talk about absolutely anything, share absolutely any experience or fantasy (but can also keep it to ourselves if we choose), and we trust each other implicitly. The latest research from the US shows that 60% of swingers say that their swinging lifestyle has improved their relationship while only 1.7% say it’s become less happy because of it.

Whenever anybody criticises our lifestyle choice, I always remind them that once upon a time a woman who enjoyed an orgasm was seen as being evil and enjoying a ’sex crime’. Everything’s relevant to the time we live in. Maybe one day swinging will be the norm.

Sadie xxx

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uk swingers

This is just going to be short and sweet today because I’m busy packing for a few nights away with friends. We’ve known each other for years and… well, we have a lot of fun!

What I wanted to say was this. If you’re interested in joining a swingers dating site in order to find other couples or singles to swing with, remember that it’s really important to upload a photo. And I don’t just mean a photo of your pride and joy but a photo that will give others a good idea of what they can expect of you.

Whenever I see photos of just a person’s intimate parts I always wonder what they’re hiding. Are they fat? Butt ugly? Why would I want to meet somebody I haven’t seen? How do I know I’m likely to want to have sex with them?

I’m not saying you have to make your face visible — you may have reasons for wanting to stay anonymous on the site — but you can still post a full shot with your face pixelated. If you don’t know how to do this, most swingers dating sites will do this for you. Just send them an email and ask.

Hope you’re successful if you do post.

Sadie xxx

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swingers ads

I’d just like to thank Adam for his email asking whether there’s anything he and his girlfriend should consider before taking the plunge and visiting a swingers club. Thanks, Adam. That’s a very good question.

The answer is yes, there are several things that ought to be considered.

1. Consider how you’re going to feel when you see your partner, not only having sex with somebody else, but actually enjoying sex with a stranger.

2. Why are you considering swinging? Is it to please yourself, your partner, or because you both truly want to swing?

3. Are you able to be 100% honest with each other all of the time? Honest is, believe me, very important to swinging couples.

4. When you’re being honest, are you happy to hear and accept an honest answer, even if it isn’t necessarily the answer you want to hear?

5. Will you be able to keep your partner’s wellbeing in mind at all times whilst swinging? It’s important that you don’t get so carried away that you become oblivious to your partner’s needs.

6. And possibly the most important of all, will you be able to say “I love you” to your partner and mean it after you’ve watched them enjoy sex with somebody else?

Of course, it can be difficult to know beforehand exactly how you’ll react to seeing your partner have sex with a stranger but it’s important you’ve both thought it through thoroughly before you “take the plunge”. Don’t be too worried, though. Many, many couples happily swing and have wonderful relationships - it’s just important you know whether or not swinging’s really for you or whether it’s just a nice fantasy.

Sadie xxx

I’ve written about using food to enhance sex earlier on this blog, but today I’m going to concentrate on just using cream. Whipped cream.

Obviously, what you decide to do with cream is entirely up to your own imagination but these ideas should at least get you started.

1. Dip you finger in the cream and have him/her watch you as you lick and suck it off. The intimations there are pretty obvious, I’d have thought. Then dip you finger in and have him/her lick it off.

2. Put it on your partner’s toes and suck it off. Lots of us love having our toes sucked but just as many seem loath to do it. Some whipped cream makes the whole idea so much more appealing!

3. Put some on your partner’s lips and trace it with your tongue before giving him or her a deep French kiss.

4. Cover up each other’s sexy bits with cream and then roll around, spreading it all over while you have lots of hot fun.

5. Throw it all over each other like a kind of whipped cream fight then have fun cleaning it off each other. Maybe be to do this in the bathroom!

If you don’t want to whip the cream yourself, you can always buy the stuff that comes in a spray. It isn’t quite as nice but it’s better than nothing at all!

Sadie xxx

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sexy ideas

If you’ve just decided to try swinging and have been using a swingers contact site in order to find others to swing with, one thing that you really ought to be aware of is photo collectors.

Some guys sign up as members of swingers sites just so that they can get explicit photos of singles and couples - the kind of ‘real’ photos that are rarely found on the Net otherwise.

My advice is this: when you start exchanging messages with somebody you’ve met on a swingers site, think carefully about how they ask to exchange photos. If it’s one of the first thing the other person/couple does then warning bells should ring because serious swingers will hardly ever do that; they’ll get to know you first and decide whether or not they’re likely to feel comfortable meeting you before they ask for photos.

Leave it a few days before you agree to send photos - if the other person is serious then they’ll wait. If not, they’ll move on and look for another ‘victim’.

Also, if they seem too interested in the photo then think twice about continuing your contact. If you’re chatting about something else and they keep trying to bring the conversation back to photos, forget them and find somebody else.

Unfortunately, just about every swingers dating site has its share of photo collectors but if you use your common sense, you should be ok.

Sadie xxx

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swingers dating

There’s absolutely no doubt that most men will go wild when presented with a fully grown women dressed in a schoolgirl’s uniform.

I have my own theory as to why this is. I believe it appeals to the male desire to impregnate a young, nubile teenager who’s healthy and fit and able to give birth to and raise his children. In other words, it’s a natural instinct. I don’t believe it has anything to do with paedophilia as we’re not talking dressing up like a 10 year old, rather like a 16 year old. Think Britney Spears in the “Hit Me Baby, One More Time” video.

Anyway, theories apart, what I do know is that Malc is driven to distraction every time I don my old school uniform (yes, I still have it, believe it or not, although I have had to buy a new tie as we all threw ours as a symbol of freedom on the last day of school).

Not everybody had the foresight to keep their school uniforms though, but luckily there are plenty available online, some of them very saucy and sexy, although it’s doubtful you would have actually been allowed to wear them to school.

Why not arrange a school girl party amongst some of your swinging friends? We had one at home last year and it was one of the most successful parties we’ve ever hosted. It wasn’t just the lads who were getting turned on by the girls in their uniforms I might tell you!

Sex is about having fun and dressing up is one of the best ways of making sex as fun as it can be.

Sadie xxx

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schoolgirl fantasies

I’ve known quite a few women who would like to have one or both nipples pierced but because they’re quite shy (yes, swingers can be shy too!), they’ve held back from doing it.

You see, it’s one thing to get naked with a stranger when you know that person’s also a swinger but to get your tits out, so to speak, in front of a stranger in a non-sexual situation can still be quite embarrassing. If you’re a swinger, you’ll understand 

What I want to say is that feeling shy in front of a body piercer is perfectly normal - few women are happy to present their breasts to strangers, especially when they know that the stranger is going to perform an operation that could be painful. Piercers are used to it so there’s really nothing to worrtty about on that score.

To make it easier on yourself, it’s best to dress in a way that will make revealing your breast(s) easy. A blouse without a bra beneath it is ideal. That way, you don’t even have to expose the whole breast if you don’t want to.

Don’t worry about the anxiety you’re likely to feel beforehand, either. Anxiety will release endorphins that act as pain relievers, which, in situations like this, is a good thing. Not that having your nipple pierced is an excruciating experience but obviously there will be some pain involved.

If your nipples are unusual — by that I mean inverted or flat — it’s best to discuss this with the piercer beforehand. He or she may ask to see your nipple because that will make it easier to decide whether or not a piercing is possible.

If you do want your nipple pierced and you decide to go ahead, just relax and think about all the fun that’s waiting for you in the future.

Sadie xxx

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nipple piercing

I bet there are some blokes out there who would envy King Tambo of Banaras who lived during 600BC. The king, you see, had a harem of 16,000 beautiful women all waiting to please him.

Personally, I think that’s being just a little bit greedy. I mean, I’m a swinger and, as such, I like to enjoy more than one sexual partner, but sixteen thousand? If he shagged one a day it would take him more than 43 years to get through them all. I feel sorry for the women. The most each is going to get is two shags–unless the good king was able to service more than one a day, every day–so I assume they kept each other company, if you know what I mean. It’s not even as if they had vibrators back then, is it?

The most I’ve ever been able to handle in one day has been five. Three ladies and two men. But ladies are much easier to please than men in that there’s less physical exertion required, so I could possibly increase that number if I stuck to just women. I doubt I could do that as long as there were men around, though. I have to admit that I like what a man can give me and would be hard pressed to resist.

But just because a person is a swinger doesn’t mean they necessarily have sex with lots of different partners. Some like to watch others having sex, or be watched themselves, but never actually have any physical contact with anybody other than their life partner. Others stick to soft swinging (touching but no penetrative sex), while others again like to have as many partners as they’re able to accommodate. It’s really all a matter of personal choice.

All I know is that nobody at our club or any of our friends have ever come close to having as many partners as King Tambo, assuming he actually slept with all of those women, even though I know a few who’d like to.

Sadie xxx

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uk swingers

One of the most common fantasies that women have is sex with another woman, especially with a woman they don’t know.

All sorts of studies have shown that there’s a far greater likelihood of a woman being bi-sexual than a man, so it could be for that reason that it’s always been more acceptable for a woman to want sex with somebody else of the same sex than if a man does the same. It’s also far more usual for threesomes to consist of two women than two men.

When asked why they fantasise about sex with another woman, most women say it’s because women know better how to satisfy a woman than men ever will. Given that we’re a pretty complicated bunch when it comes to bedroom fun, that could well be right.

One of the things that non-swingers are often surprised about is that it’s more often the women in a relationship that suggest trying partner swaps, threesomes and the rest, rather than the man. The men are generally happy to go along with whatever ideas their women have, but they rarely suggest it.

When you visit swingers clubs, you’ll also find that there are generally more women than men. This isn’t because single men don’t want to swing, but rather because too many men would just mean there wouldn’t be enough play to go round. For more on this, see my post of the 10th on the subject.

As Cyndi Lauper once sang, girls just wanna have fun!

~ Sadie xx

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uk swingers

Sadly, some people have actually lost their jobs because their swinging lifestyles have become known, even though it’s illegal to fire somebody based on their sexual orientation or preferences.

If you’re worried that you could lose your job if your swinging lifestyle becomes known, my advice is that you stick to private parties and members only clubs. As long as you’re careful about who you meet and who you tell, you shouldn’t encounter any problems.

I have swinging friends who are doctors, journalists, teachers and even a county court judge, and none of them have had any trouble because of their swinging lifestyle. In general, it’s only when somebody has done something silly like posting messages on an Internet board or telling every Tom, Dick or Harry about their swinging lifestyle (often whilst rather intoxicated) that trouble occurs.

Even when clubs are raided it’s very rare for the clientele to be given any trouble by the police who are generally after the management/owners rather than those who are enjoying the facilities.

Of course, if you’re really worried about it then perhaps it’s best not to swing. It’s up to you but I honestly believe that if you’re sensible about things, there really isn’t a great deal to worry about.

Sadie xxx

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swinging