Just because a couple decide that swinging is a lifestyle they enjoy, doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily free to do as they please. In fact, most couples have very clear rules that the need to follow in order to be able to swing without any jealousy or upset being brought into the relationship.

The majority of swinging couples tend to agree that they can have sex with others only when both are present or when one has given the other permission to go ahead. In other words, just going out and having a bunk-up with some stranger isn’t part of the agreement.

Some couples also have taboo areas that mustn’t be crossed. We have friends who don’t engage in oral sex because they feel that’s just too intimate. We also have a female friend who never kisses, again because she feels that kissing is part of a bonding process, something she isn’t interested in feeling as part of a no-strings relationship.

As swingers, it’s important that we recognise and respect others’ rules and never put any pressure on anybody to cross the lines. If a couple have agreed that sex can only take place when they’re both present, don’t try to as much as touch one of them sexually without the other being present.

What may seem like a silly rule to you is obviously something that means a great deal to the couple or individual concerned. Treat them how you’d want to be treated yourself – with respect.

Sadie xxx

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uk swingers

I bet you do!

I’ve yet to meet a man who hasn’t fantasised about a threesome and a hell of a lot of women are turned on by the idea, too. The problem is, for most, that they don’t know how to go about finding somebody to join them, either a single if they’re already part of a couple or vice versa. And even when they find a website that has swingers advertising on it, they often don’t understand the terminology.

The first thing to remember is that you need to know beforehand exactly who you’re looking for. If, for example, your wife isn’t interested in sex with another woman, there’s little point in answering ads from bi-sexual women. Similarly, if you’re a bi-sexual guy, you’ll want to find ads placed by couples who are looking for somebody who will service them both.

It might well be worthwhile placing an ad of your own, too. That way you can make it clear exactly who you’re looking for, how far you can travel, whether you can accommodate, etc etc. By being as clear as possible, there’s far less chance of meeting others who, when it cums to it, aren’t actually suitable at all.

When it comes to the two main types of threesomes, remember the following:

FFM: this means two females and a male and is the most common type of threesome. In most cases the females will be bi so it’s probably safe to assume so if nothing else is mentioned. It’s always worth asking to be sure, though.

FMM: you’ve probably guessed that this one means one female and two men. Although not as common as FFM, it’s a whole lot of fun and well worth experimenting with. The guys don’t have to be bi and in these cases, if they are they probably WILL mention it. Even if you’re mostly into FFM, you’ll probably find that most women will be only too pleased to be serviced by two guys… and a lot of male partners enjoy watching their wives/partners being given a good seeing to.

If you think a threesome is something you’d seriously like to try, why not sign up at Adult Connexxxions – one of the biggest swingers dating sites I’ve found. I’ve used it on several occasions myself and haven’t been disappointed

Sadie xxx

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We had a real scream at our swingers club last night. They’d arranged a “Prim & Proper” party and although Malc was a bit sceptical, I really wanted to go along. As it turned out, Malc probably enjoyed it more than I did, and that’s saying something!

No doubt you’re wondering just what a “prim & proper” party has to do with swinging, aren’t you? Well once I’ve explained what happens, you’ll understand just how much fun it can be.

The idea is, as the name suggests, to dress very prim and proper. I wore a grey tweed suit that I found in a charity shop (cost me all of £7) over a pale pink blouse that has one of those neck scarf type affairs built into it. They were very popular during the 80s. I wore tan stockings and sensible black shoes, had my hair pulled back tight in a bun and wore steel rimmed glasses. How’s that for Ms Librarian 2006? Ok, so it was all a bit cliché but what the hell!

Malc wore a blue pinstripe suit that only ever sees the light of day at wedding, christenings and the likes, over a pale blue shirt teamed with a purple tie. I must say that he looked very smart indeed.

So there we are, all dressed up and looking… well… prim and proper. But underneath, that’s where things are anything but prim! The idea is that once you get beneath those top layers, anything could be found. I wore a white bra and girdle set of the type that was popular during the 50s because I felt it tied in with the theme as well as being uber sexy! I was right. Most of the men, and some of the ladies, couldn’t keep their eyes off. Unluckily for them, only the chosen few got to touch!

There were women wearing all sorts of naughty and sluttish underwear and men in latex and leather. One woman wore a body stocking and one of the guys even wore a fur pouch! Not my thing I have to admit but a few of the women seemed to go for it.

By the end of the evening most of us were naked but a few who weren’t participating in sex were still sitting around in their prim clothes, some of them even watching us. There was something kind of surreal about that!

But what’s important is that a good time was had by all and theme nights are always fun.

Sadie xxx

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uk swinging

Malc and I watched a porn film at a friend’s house over the holidays and were pleasantly surprised to see that the main female ‘performer’ was a mature lady in her 50s. She looked fantastic for her age but wasn’t trying to hide behind some false mask of cosmetic surgery to make her look like a 20 year old – no, this lady was obviously comfortable in her skin and happy to be seen as a sexually attractive and highly active 50 year old.

In my opinion, the sex industry needs to employ more older women. There’s been a misconception about female sexuality that can really only be blamed on the sex industry, that women over 40 are no longer worthy of sex. Either that or they wouldn’t enjoy it if they go it. This is sooo wrong!

Older women often enjoy sex more than their younger counterparts because they don’t have to worry about contraception and unwanted pregnancies and have learned how to enjoy being who they are. Their sexuality is often far more relaxed than what you’ll find in younger women and, let’s face it, when it comes to experience, who’s going to teach you how to really give a woman a good time?

I just hope that older women in porn and related areas is something we’re going to see more of.

Sadie xx

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pornography

Like it or not, the truth of the matter is that, while female bi-sexuality is celebrated and positively encouraged within the swinging world, male bi-sexuality still has a hell of a long way to go before it comes even close to having the same ’status’.

When you read literature about swinging, male bi-sexuality is almost never mentioned where female bi-sexuality often gets a whole chapter! Why? I mean, it’s not as if male bi-sexuality doesn’t exist within the swinging environment – I’ve experienced it myself many times and most of my swinging friends have met bi-sexual men, too.

I imagine that the homophobic culture that does still exist in this country (even though we like to believe it doesn’t) is the cause of this. My guess is that a lot of men are still afraid to broach the subject of male/male sexual relationships for fear of rejection.

I honestly wish that swingers clubs would make it clear that male bi-sexuality is just as acceptable and normal as its female counterpart, and perhaps even have specific m/m/f evenings where they promote bi-sexuality amongst men.

Sadie xxx

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bi-sexual swingers

It’s Saturday again and this time my terminology post is going to cover soft and hard swinging.

Soft Swinging
This is often the kind of swinging that couples (and singles) often start with when they join a club. Basically it covers any kind of sex other than intercourse with somebody other than your partner.

This includes:

• Watching other have intercourse
• Being watched while you have intercourse with your partner
• Oral Sex
• Massage
• Bi-sex (without penetration if two men are together)
• Same Room Sex

Although I’ve been into the swinging scene for more years than I can remember, there are still times when I prefer to stick to soft swinging and you’ll find that the same applies to most swingers.

Hard Swinging
No doubt you’ve guessed that hard swinging involves full intercourse. Anal sex is also considered hard swinging.

A hard swing party is a party where full sexual interaction is expected so don’t accept an invite unless you’re sure you’re going to be happy with that.

Sadie xxx

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swinging advice

I wanted to add a follow up to my recent post on private swingers’ parties.

Even though I touched on the subject of conducting yourself in a mature and responsible manner, I thought it best to include more detail on the most common problem associated with this or any other party… drinking too much.

We all know the euphoric effects alcohol can have on our behaviour, but in a specific setting like a private swingers’ party, those same effects can prove disastrous.

Who hasn’t been to a party where someone gets smashed and makes an arse of themselves? Christ! There have been times when the arse has been me!

Imagine that arse belching and hiccupping over your partner (well, not really an arse but you know what I mean). At the same time he’s unsuccessfully trying to unzip his pants. Not a pretty picture is it?

Apart from the obviously embarrassing spectacle, such behaviour can quickly and permanently get you banned from future events, especially if you’re attending your first swinging party.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t drink, just do it responsibly. In fact, a few drinks may even serve to make you more comfortable if you are new to the swinging scene, but less is definitely more.

Remember that if your intention is to meet other partners or couples for swinging, there is nothing less attractive than a boorish, obnoxious drunk.

Sadie xx

Being as I recently wrote about the empowerment Big Beautiful Women or BBW’s can experience within the swinging scene, I started thinking about other fetishes that they can also enjoy.Ever heard of ‘Trampling’?This erotic game caters to men of all shapes and sizes who enjoy the sensation of having a BBW walk on them, either face up or face down.

An obvious spin-off from the foot fetish, trampling can be done either barefoot or while wearing platform shoes, and in extreme cases, stiletto heels. Ouch!

Clearly an element of humiliation is involved, with a submissive and usually naked man at the mercy of a BBW as she dominates him with nothing more than her stocking or shoe clad feet.

Bear in mind that commonsense rules apply.

1) If the BBW greatly outweighs the man, exercise caution to avoid injury, especially in the case of high heeled shoes.

2) Both parties should agree to a safe word, if the sensation becomes too intense or painful.

3) Certain areas of the body must be treated with extra caution, such as the groin, head, throat and hands.

Trampling is simply another course in the sexual buffet for BBWs, and certainly offers another dimension to their empowerment, not to mention their pleasure.

So step on it sisters!

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I’ve mentioned this before on this blog but because it’s an important subject and mistake too many make, I’ve decided to cover the subject of booze again.

Quite simply, lay off it. Swingers do not like drunks.

Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t enjoy a glass of wine or even a whisky or similar, but everything within reason. Don’t get drunk – don’t even get tipsy. It really isn’t welcome.

Not only will you be off-putting to those who are looking for somebody to swing with, you’ll also find that your own performance will be impaired.

And don’t try that “I can drink and still shag a woman senseless” line because I’m not buying it. Like every other drunk, you believe you can do what you can’t. Just like some drunks think they drive better when they’ve had a few over the limit, you may think you’re great in bed when you’ve had a bevvy or two but the chances are you won’t be.

Drinking and swinging simply don’t go together. Sex should be the stimulant you need, so why drown it out with alcohol?

If you’re new to swinging it’s very easy to make the mistake of drinking too much but take my advice and don’t. You’ll enjoy your time with others so much more if you lay off the booze.

Sadie xxx

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uk swinging

As any proper public school student could tell you, paddling is a virtual English tradition which has evolved from punishment to pleasure.

Whereas paddles were once the exclusive property S+M fetishists, they’re now commonly used in mainstream sex play on par with blindfolds or handcuffs.

So what are they?

They’re basically straps with a handle, and can be made from a variety of materials including leather, wood, rubber and plastic. Each material can be fashioned with varying degrees of flexibility and stiffness which affects how intensely they will perform; the stiffer the paddle the more intense the sensation. Thwack!

As with any kind of sexual stimulation derived from striking, some general rules should be followed to avoid causing harm.

First, not all areas of the body are suitable for paddling so it’s important to limit the experience to the top of the legs, palms of the hands and, of course, the primary region, the backside.

The fleshy, muscular mounds of the bum seem to have been made for paddling, but that doesn’t mean that you should just start whacking away with no thought to the after effects. We rely on the posterior as our in-house cushions and use it extensively throughout the course of an average day so causing a mass of welts or open wounds can be a source of discomfort for days or even weeks and could well bring your paddling days to an abrupt end.

It’s a good idea to have a safe word which the recipient can use if the action gets too intense for comfort and remember to keep your paddles clean. Regularly disinfect them to avoid infection should you break the skin.

Have fun but bear in mind that too much of anything isn’t necessarily a good thing. Respect your partner’s wishes and stop when requested.

Sadie xxx

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Well, we all had a good time last night and our friends have invited us to a theme night at their local swingers club.

The night we’ll be attending is a “Tarts” night. In other words, the women dress up as ‘ladies of the night’ and tout for sex amongst the men. Obviously, no money changes hands but it fulfils a good few fantasies.

I can’t really explain what it is about dressing as a whore and having blokes ask “how much for a blow job?” that turns me on, but judging by the crowd these theme nights draw, I’m not the only woman who enjoys it!

I know for sure that my other half fantasises about prostitutes, especially the street walking variety, because we often play a game where I dress up and go stand down town while he comes along in the car and ‘picks me up’. Tarts nights go a long way to satisfying that kind of lust.

If you can’t find a swingers club that’s arranging a tarts night, try asking around amongst members – maybe somebody will know of a private tarts party being arranged. And if nothing else succeeds, why not arrange a party of your own? If you’ve been on the scene long enough, you’ll know enough people to get a decent crowd together.

If ripped fishnets, tight skirts, skimpy blouses and overdone make-up is your thing, a tarts night will be just the thing for you.

Sadie xxx

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Just a quick post today folks because I’m busy getting myself ready to ‘accommodate’ a couple that my husband and I meet up with once a month, but it’s this particular couple that set me thinking about the subject of setting the rules.

Y’see, the husband of the pair likes to tie me up then sit back and watch while I suck my husband off and his wife goes down on me. Now, we’ve known this couple for about three years now and it took a while before I was comfortable enough to go along with this. Being tied up wasn’t something I’d ever tried before, or even fantasised about.

The point is, sooner or later you’ll meet other swingers who will want more of you than you’re willing to give so always make it clear where your limits are and that you demand respect. If a prospective sex partner can’t respect your limits and continues to push, then take my advice and back away. Seriously. Those who can’t show that kind of respect just aren’t worth getting involved with – there are plenty more swingers out there who will respect you and who you can truly enjoy being with without feeling under pressure.

In the case of tonight’s visitors, both of them mentioned the rope scenario a couple of times after I’d said no, but I hadn’t said “No, definitely not”, I’d said “No, that’s not something I feel comfortable with now but maybe when we know each other better”. That left the possibility open and we all knew where we stood. Sure enough, when I felt more comfortable with them I brought the subject up and we gave it a go. The rest, as they say, is history!

Sadie xxx

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An increasingly popular game amongst swinging couples is ‘real wife swapping’, a game that differs from traditional wife swapping where the swapping simply involved sex.

‘Real wife swapping’ involves swapping partners for a whole weekend, sometimes even a week. They live as a couple would, doing the chores etc., as well as having lots of horny sex.

Some couples choose to go away during the swap, mostly to make sure the neighbours don’t start wondering what’s going on, but also because it’s nice to get away to new surroundings with a new ‘partner’.

Although the couples don’t see or contact their ‘proper’ partners at all during the swap, they do meet beforehand to discuss anything limits they’d like imposed. Some husbands might not be happy with their wives having anal sex, or giving blow jobs, while some wives might not want their husband going down on another woman. It’s important that everything’s out in the open beforehand.

Obviously, some swaps are arranged between couples who know each other well and who swap regularly, but there are also arranged wife swaps where couples swap with strangers. If you’re thinking of joining such a swap, it’s important you meet your swapping couple a few times before the actual swap so that you can get a feel for what kind of people they are and build up some trust – you’re going to be spending a whole weekend alone with him/her, after all. If you’re not happy with any aspect of the swap, don’t go through with it. The same goes if you go ahead with the swap but find you’re not happy with it – don’t be afraid to call it off. It’s your life and you choose what you do and don’t do with it.

However, most swaps go well and couples often go back for me so ‘real wife swapping’ can definitely bring a new dimension to your life.

Sadie xxx

One question I’m regularly asked is:”I’ve signed up for a swingers dating site but what should I write in my ad?”First of all, there’s no standard text I can give you. If there were, all the ads would be the same and that’d be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?

What you need to do is sit down with a pen and paper (yes, that’s those things we used to use before computers became part of our lives) and think about what kind of ad you’d reply to yourself and make notes. What information would you like to see in others’ ads?

• What kind of personality do you have? Outgoing? Shy? Jovial?

• How would you describe your looks? Elegant? Sophisticated? Punk?

• Remember that tall and slim says very little whereas “tall, pale-skinned, small framed vamp” says a whole lot more.

• What kind of sex do you enjoy? What are your limits?

• How do you like to dress?

• What kind of relationship do you want? No-strings? Friendship? Commitment?

• Are you willing to travel? If so, how far?

• Can you accommodate for a night/weekend?

• What’s your marital status? If you have a partner, does he/she swing, too?

Once you’ve decided what you need to write in your ad, take into consideration a few other points.

• DON’T USE CAPITALS. You may think they’ll make your ad stand out but in reality, they’re damned difficult to read and in net language, you’re shouting! Similarly, don’t use coloured text. Just plain old black on white is what most people will be comfortable with.

• Take the time to check your writing for spelling mistakes. Sloppy writing gives a bad impression and you’ll be far less likely to attract responses.

• Be honest! Remember, you’re gonna meet some of these people one day so lying about who you are and what you want is pointless.

That’s it. Take your time and write an ad that others will enjoy reading and you’ll soon be picking and choosing who you do and don’t want to meet.

Good luck and have tons of fun,
Sadie xxx

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